Every so often art imitates life.

 For any of you who have been patient enough to keep checking in on my blog even though I have kind of pulled away from posting, I thank you.  My last post was a bit dark and sad, but the day I wrote it I had a lot to get off my chest.  It helped me a great deal to get it out.  I ask that all of you who know me, keep me accountable.  My life is in a transitional period, and every day is like my birthday.  God has left me little presents all over the place to unwrap and enjoy, all I have to do is seek them out.   Every day I learn new things about myself.  Well, that isn't really accurate.  They aren't new, they are old lessons, which at different  points in my life I had a good grasp on.  Years of being too tough to pray for help had left me stripped of these lessons, and needing retraining.

Most recently, a love mishandled had forced me to "look up".  There is nowhere else to look when you are lying on the ground.  It is funny, but as soon as I started to "look up" I started to heal.  I started to remember the purposes I had in life.  My goals became more clear, and my smile came back.  It was a wonderful revelation of a lesson we all need to know.  No matter how low we are, no matter what we may have done, no matter how alone we feel, there is a power within or reach at ALL times which can bring us peace.  Look up.  Okay, don't literally look up, but seek out God's grace.  Ask him to fill you with the power and discernment to see whatever challenges you face through.  One of my favorite quotes came from my days at New Brunswick Bible Institute.  I can't remember the source, but it goes like this:

"God will never place a mountain in your way, without equipping you with the proper tools to walk around it, climb over it, or simply blast right through it." - unknown

An old friend posted a song on her Facebook page today.  Ironically, it is called "Perfect" by a band called Hedley.  Lyrics are below te video

Falling a thousand feet per second, you still take me by surprise
I just know we can't be over, I can see it in your eyes
Making every kind of silence, takes a lot to realize
It's worse to finish than to start all over and never let it lie
And as long as I can feel you holding on
I won't fall, even if you said I was wrong

I'm not perfect, but I keep trying
Cause that's what I said I would do from the start
I'm not alive if I'm lonely, so please don't leave
Was it something I said or just my personality?

Making every kind of silence, it takes a lot to realize
It's worse to finish than to start all over and never let it lie
And as long as I can feel you holding on
I won't fall, even if you said I was wrong

I know that I'm not perfect, but I keep trying
Cause that's what I said I would do from the start
I'm not alive if I'm lonely, so please don't leave
Was it something I said or just my personality?

When you're caught in a lie and you've got nothing to hide
When you've got nowhere to run and you've got nothing inside
It tears right through me, you thought that you knew me
You thought that you knew

I'm not perfect, but I keep trying
Cause that's what I said I would do from the start
I'm not alive if I'm lonely, so please don't leave
Was it something I said or just my personality?

I'm not perfect, but I keep trying
Cause that's what I said I would do from the start
I'm not alive if I'm lonely, so please don't leave
Was it something I said or just my, just myself
Just myself, myself, just myself

I'm not perfect, but I keep trying

So, here it is.  I am not perfect.  I am far from even slightly acceptable.   I won't stop trying.  I can't afford to.  


Neither can you.